Humor Quotes

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

Related tags: planetfinepeople

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Related tags: linegeniussanityerase

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.

Related tags: jailfriendtrybestcellsayfun

This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.

Related tags: lifehardstupid

Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Related tags: creativityknowhidesource

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Related tags: freeprejudiceeveryoneequalhate

I love mankind... it's people I can't stand.

Related tags: peoplemankind

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.

Related tags: peoplecrazytruth

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Related tags: universepeopleangrywidemove

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Related tags: televisioneducationroomreadbook

Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.

Related tags: feelneedexercise

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

Related tags: lovechocolatenowthenhurt

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.

Related tags: put offtomorrow

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Related tags: infinitethinghumanstupiduniverse

Today I will be as useful as a 'g' in lasagna.

Related tags: todayusefullasagna