Whenever I feel like exercising

Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.

-By Paul Terry

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More humor quotes

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

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There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

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When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.

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This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.

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Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

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I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

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I love mankind... it's people I can't stand.

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Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.

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In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Related tags: televisioneducationroomreadbook

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

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Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.

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Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

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Today I will be as useful as a 'g' in lasagna.

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